Why Is Bush Reading My Mail?

http://civilliberty.about.com/b/a/257598.htm


I just sent the following email to Mike Chertoff at the Department of American Surveillance and to the FBI through their respective online incident report forms. Jerks

Dear Department of American Surveillance and the FBI

Anyone in this country who is capable of chewing gum and breathing at the same time is well aware of the Bush Abomination policy of reading our mail.

http://civilliberty.about.com/b/a/257598.htm

This despicable policy was put in place (despite the Constitutional guarantees of privacy) so our super slueths could smoke out and git "turists" as that marble-mouthed asshole in the White House pronouces terrorists.

If I stretch my imagination to the ultimate degree I can possibly understand why you would be justified in reading someone's mail. You'll do it to smoke out and git tourists even though when it comes to issues of prosecuting turists you assholes couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat. Making matters worse, we have an alleged "president" who totally refused to read and heed an August 8, 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing titled "bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside the United States." If the alleged "president" wont read something that important, written by the CIA, what on earth do you clowns think you will gain from reading someone's junk mail?

As much as I cannot stomach the thought of 638 more days of the Bush Abomination and its running roughshod over the rights of the people, I had pretty much put aside my concerns about you idiots opening and reading mail - until I got home tonight.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my mail box and found an envelope with a clear and unambiguous return address titled Nova Scotia Tourism, Culture & Heritage. Below the return address were the words "Time-Sensitive Tourism Information Enclosed - DO NOT DELAY."

Do you get the impression that my mail was from the government of a friendly province in Canada and do you get the impression that my mail involved TOURISM not terrorism? Even a simpleton GS-15 in the Bush Abomination should be able to figure that out. Wouldn't you agree?

Well, that being the case, why did the Department of American Surveillance see fit to OPEN MY FUCKING MAIL to check on what was inside?? There was a sticker on the envelope stating that the Department of American Surveillance had opened the mail to inspect it. Perhaps there is someone in the Department of American Surveillance who has a Canadian map fetish and decided he wanted to jerk off on a map of Nova Scotia? What other logical reason could there be for you simpleton bastards to open my personal mail?? All that was inside was a map...one map. You simpletons should have been able to deduce that by touching the envelope. Right now I'm holding the envelope up to a light and can see that there is something roughly the size of a MAP inside. Brilliant deduction, huh?

Maybe recently Mike Chetoff and Gitmo Gonzalez sent out memos directing people to interpret the word "tourism" as Arabic for "terrorism" and you morons are now opening all mail from international tourism offices expecting Osama bin Forgotten to jump out of the envelope?

Whatever the reason, stay the fuck out of my mail you assholes. I already know from being there last week that the National Security Agency is intercepting emails and cell phone calls and reviewing and analyzing them at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Station in Cuba. I was told that by someone who works at GTMO while I was AT GTMO.

It is my most sincere hope that on January 20, 2009, at 12:01 pm when Al Gore is sworn in as the first legally elected President of this country since Bill Clinton last was in 1996, that he sends out an edict to have every slovenly bastard in the FBI and Department of American Surveillance who has tampered with the mail of law abiding cititzens shipped down to Guantanmo Bay where they can bake in an 8 by 5 cage at Camp X-Ray. I cant think of a more fitting way for each of you loyal Bushies to be sent on your merry way - at least until the indictments for contributing to war crimes come out.

Anyway, FBI and Department of American Survillance, stay the fuck out of my mail. If I get something from Canada that is really of interest to you I'll call and let you know about it. Deal?