Two Long Years to Freedom - January 20, 2009

Just think. Two years from today the biggest mistake every foisted on the American Constitution will no longer be a resident of the White House

Just two very long years from today the most stupid son of a bitch ever to accomplish the mission of landing on the deck of an aircraft carrier moored 500 meters off the shore of San Diego will step down. The moment the first President since Bill Clinton is sworn in, I hope security forces of the United Nations grab Bush and Cheney, slap the shit out of them, put them in handcuffs and leg irons and squirrel them away to the Hague Netherlands where they can begin their trials for crimes against humanity. I hope that justice is served quickly, mercilessly and painfully, just like how Bush has meted out "justice" to detainees at Guantanamo Bay.

In resident Bush's place we will see President Al Gore standing tall, raising his right hand and swearing to actually uphold the Constitution instead of calling it, as Bush did "just a god damned piece of paper." Standing next to Al will be Vice President Wesley Clark, whose first job will be to fly to Iraqnam and negotiate a peaceful settlement to the debacle that Bush and Cheney created to steal more oil.

Leaving the steps of the Capitol to begin the traditional journey to the White House, President Gore wont have to worry about not getting out of the car to walk. People like me will not be standing along the verge of Constitution Avenue throwing eggs like we did on January 20, 2001 when the moron was inaugurated illegally. President Al will hold his head high and listen to the thunderous applause of hundreds of thousands of us, all breathing a sigh of relief that the eight long years of horror are over.

That evening at the Inaugural Ball, Al will have invited the two most important singers in the world to entertain the crowd. Jimmy Buffett will take the stage first where he'll dedicate his first song, the Stones classic "You Cant Always Get What You Want" to the newly departed former resident of the White House. After a few classic Buffett songs (Fins, Margaritaville, Floridays, Migration, Why Dont We Get Drunk and Screw), Al will turn the microphone over to the musical group that had the most influence in waking up this country to the excesses of the bush administration. Yup, the Dixie Chicks will take the stage and the crowd will go wild. Their first song will be an adaptation of their 2000 classic "Goodbye Earl" only the word "Earl" will have been replaced by "George." I can already imagine the smile on Natalie's face when she asks George how he likes to be thrown in the trunk.

When Goodbye George is over, the Chicks will play a variation of their song "Not Ready to Make Nice" that will now contain the phrase "Now, I'm ready to make nice" This will bring a smile to President Gore's face as he pats Tipper on the butt and slams down another pint of Land Shark Lager donated to the party by Jimmy Buffett's brewery.

The party will go on all night. Copious amounts of Land Shark Lager will be consumed. Common people like you and me will be welcome. We wont have to sign a loyalty pledge to get near our President like the Repugnicans have to do when their resident is in town. Social Justice will be the norm. The earth wont be under attack any longer (well until the next Repugnican is sitting in the White House). We'll have universal health care. Presciription drugs wont cost us an arm and a leg. Al Franken will be Secretary of State where he'll do wonders making the world laugh and realizing that the United States is no longer the world's bully. Rachel Maddow will be packing her bags to move into her new position as US Ambassador to the United Nations. Ed Schultz, the self-admitted "Meat-eating, gun-toting liberal" radio show host from Fargo will be taking over as Secretary of the Interior. Other smart choices for Cabinet positions will be made and the world once again, will be at peace. Just like it was when Bill was President.

And it all begins just two long years from today.