For Security Reasons

If you have been paying attention while flying of late, you constantly hear flight attendents and others in airports tell you that this or that cannot be done "for security reasons." This is akin to my friend Jon's comment about the Transportation Security Agency announcements in airports warning us that we are under threat level "orange" but nobody can tell you what threat level orange is for (other than to scare people into voting for Repugnicans in the 2006 elections ... and we know how that worked!!!).

On Sunday, May 20, I flew on Northwest Airlines from Minneapolis back to Washington DC. Not long after taking off we were informed that "for security reasons" nobody was allowed to use the forward restroom in First Class (where I was seated) during the last 30 minutes of the flight. This was a new and innovative line to scare people on planes that I'd not heard before. It was also very curious to me. So, not long after taking off, I hit the flight attendent call button and the f/a (with a crew cut so he was no doubt a loyal Bushie Repugnican) darted over to me in seat 4A. The conversation went like this:

Me: I heard you say that for security reasons we are not allowed to use the forward head during the last thirty minutes of the flight. Is that right?

F/A. Yes, thats right.

Me: Can you tell me what the security reason is?

F/A. Huh?

Me: You said we cant use the forward head for the last thirty minutes of the flight because of security reasons. I'd like to know what security reason forbids me from taking a dump 29 minutes out of National airport.

F/A. Sir, if you have to use the restroom in the last thirty minutes of the flight you can use one of those in the aft section of the plane.

Me: Thanks. I'm glad to know that and my bowels feel better already. However I still dont know what security reason keeps me from using the forward head.

The flight attendent is now visibly upset because I have him by the short hairs and he doesn't know how to answer me.

F/A. Sir, you just cant use the forward restroom for the last thirty minutes of the flight.

Me: If you remember correctly, the old rule that forbade anyone from standing up on a flight into Washington during the last 30 minutes of a flight into the city or the first 30 minutes of a flight out of the city was rescinded in June 2005.

F/A. It was?

Me: Yup. I remember when it happened. There is no security reason is there.

The flight attendent turned around and walked away.

I've written to Northwest Airlines to complain. As if those loyal Bushies give a damn.

Its high time that we the people stand up to the bullshit being spewed by the Bush Administration in the name of keeping we the people scared all the time. Dipshits on airplanes who cant explain their threats are a great place to start.