Thank You "God"

Thank you, God, for the strong leadership of George W. Bush, and for the gasoline to drive 10 m.p.g. SUVs. Thank you, God, for an uninterrupted flow of oil, and for the strength of our leader who carries out your desire to see that we have as much gas as we desire.

Thank you, God, for first making George W. Bush the governor of Texas where he stood steadfast in support of capital punishment, carrying out God's vengeance even on people with the mental capacity of children.

Thank you, God, and thank you, Jesus, for sparing the president and the vice president from service in Viet Nam where those irreplaceable lives might have been lost, depriving us of their leadership now, in this our hour of need.

Thank you, God, for keeping the Bush children and the Cheney children far from the fighting so that the president's resolve is not shaken, and he can continue to be patient as he awaits that glorious day when his policies bear fruit in Iraq.

Thank you, God, for all the Bush apostles who spread the faith to the multitudes, Thank you for Rush, and Sean, and Michael Savage. Thank you for Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter and all the earthly angels and archangels who bring Your word to the flock and to the pagans alike each and every day. Thank you for Fox News and Rupert Murdoch and all who stand against The New York Times and the other ungodly voices of the liberal media.

Thank you, God, for the fear that has allowed President Bush to wield your divine power so effectively. Thank you for the attacks against our nation on September 11th, 2001, and thank you for focusing those attacks on New York, that bastion of wickedness and liberalism.

Thank you, God, for the punishment you bestowed upon our nation for its tolerance of homosexuals and feminists that thus invited your wrath. And thank you, God, for sending Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson to explain your actions on the days immediately following the deaths of those whose lives were forfeited to bring us the news of your displeasure.

Thank you, God, for Halliburton, and its subsidiaries, including Kellogg, Brown and Root. Thank you, God, for all they do in the war against the infidels. Thank you for rewarding them with no-bid contracts, and making their executives ever more wealthy so they know your blessings are upon them.

Thank you, God, for the rectitude you have bestowed upon our leader, George W. Bush, and for keeping him from hearing all the voices that might cause him doubt. Thank you for his lack of curiosity, and thank you for his disinclination to read newspapers, or to consult any sources that might trouble his God-given resolve.

Thank you, God, for guiding George W. Bush to spare stem cells from destruction at the hands of godless scientists.

Thank you, God, for helping George Bush and the Republicans to keep the minimum wage fixed and in place for the entire time he has been in office, thus helping ensure that the poor will, indeed, always be with us.

Thank you, God, for allowing George Bush to deny birth control information to women throughout the Third World.

Thank you, God, for giving President Bush the wisdom to see that nothing good can come from direct dialogue with Satanic forces like those represented by Kim Jong Il of North Korea, or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran.

Thank you, God, for staying the hand and stilling the voice of George W. Bush regarding the genocide in Darfur.

Thank you, God, for the goodness and mercy shown by George W. Bush in his ongoing crusade to make torture an element of U.S. policy. Thank you for waterboarding, and for secret rendition, and for Abu Ghraib, and Git-Mo. Thank you for the suspension of Habeas Corpus and all those other ungodly left wing plots against American security and our God-given right to do as we must when we feel our safety might be compromised.

Thank you, God, for allowing more than 3,400 young American men and women to give up their lives in a cause so much greater than themselves, and to perish in service to the man you sent to lead them. Thank you for sending them to a country far from home, as they fight a war for reasons best known only to you and to your servants, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and the rest of that band of stewards. Bless all these Christian soldiers in the war against evil.

Thank you, God, for more than half a million Iraqi dead, all those men, women, and children who have died in the violence unleashed by the Bush invasion of that nation. Thank you for smiting them and making them pay for the dastardly attack on America in the year 2001, though they be innocent of all crimes. Thank you for the resolve you have given our president in guiding him not to cut and run, and to stay the course, but with flexibility, until victory is achieved in that benighted country, whatever victory might be, whatever victory might look like, and whatever costs must be paid to achieve it.

Give him strength, O Lord, as his critics now circle him and smite him from every side. Allow him the strength to stay the course, though he be sorely tried.

We thank thee, Lord, in your son's name, for George W. Bush and the manifold blessings brought forth through his heaven-sent leadership.

For these and all other blessings, we thank thee, Lord.

Amen.