Dec. 24 (Bloomberg) -- President George W. Bush's diplomatic passport will acquire a slew of new country stamps during his final year in office as he tries to rebuild the U.S.'s international standing and create a foreign-policy legacy beyond Iraq.Ah, excuse me, George, but I think you're about seven years too late to try to clean up the image of America in the eyes of the world community. I think you've committed just a few too many mistakes for you to fix things. However if you insist on trying I am offering you a list of 15 things you can do immediately to attempt to untarnish the image of the United States in the eyes of the world.
The president plans trips to the Middle East, Africa, Asia and South America, which would make 2008 his busiest year abroad. While his major domestic initiatives may get stalled by a Democratic majority in Congress and the gridlock caused by election-year politics, he still has an opportunity to exert his influence overseas.
Ready?
1. Immediately remove all American troops from Iraqnam. Their presence in the country only inflames passions against the US. Claim some sort of "victory" so your manlihood does not further deteriorate and move on.
2. Embrace, support and defend the Kyoto Accord and move vigorously to accept and implement all the recommendations of the Bali Conference on global warming. Do it today before it gets hotter out.
3. Apologize to your mythical axis of evil publicity stunt, and beg those countries forgiveness for you being such a fantastic horses ass.
4. Accept the results of the 16 intelligence agencies about Iran not having a nuclear program. Get over it. You've started two wars already and lost both. Do you want to be a three-time loser at that also?
5. Immediately fire and replace both Dick Cheney and Condi Rice - both of whom don't know the first thing about diplomacy.
6. Do whatever is necessary to turn around the freefall of the American dollar. Doesn't it tell you anything when the oil producing countries no longer want to trade in the dollar and merchants in India no longer want to accept the dollar? Both Ecuador and Panama use the American dollar as their "home" currency. I'm sure people in both countries aren't doing backflips over you because of how your fiscal policies have destroyed their economies also.
7. Tear down that stupendously foolish wall you are building along the US- Mexico border. I wonder how much progress could have been made in keeping people from wanting to come to the United States to work if instead of building a wall, you used the money needed to build it to help improve the economic conditions in Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras so people there didn't feel the need to move to the United States in the first place.
8. Slap the shit out of Jenna and tell her to keep her tongue in her mouth or her boyfriends mouth - creating scenes in Argentina requiring the Ambassador to ask her to leave the country does nothing for the image of this country. In the run up to the 2000 election you claimed that Al Gore was incapable of raising children because his son had been cited for speeding. Do you think Jenna sticking out her tongue at the media is maybe a bit worse?
9. Stop impeding the will of the people by refusing to cooperate with Congress on the investigation of your cabinet and staff. Harriet Miers and Karl Rove investigations come to mind immediately.
10. Immediately implement measures that require real gas mileage standards on vehicles driven in the Unted States. In 2002 in Sweden I drove a Ford product built in Europe that got 62 miles per gallon. If Ford can build them there why can't they build them here? Show the world that the United States no longer wishes to be the gluttonous abuser of a finite oil resource. Do something to show some leadership for a change.
11. Admit that your presidency, just like every business venture you have attempted before it, is a failure and then immediately tell every country on earth - everyone - that you are the one person responsible for the world's economic meltdown, and the rise of Islamic fanaticism. Dubya, when the people of Barbados are upset with you, that should be a clue that you have screwed up royally.
12. Apologize to Cindy Sheehan and admit that you've been an asshole since the day she first tried to talk with you about your "noble cause" in Iraqnam. Show the world that you are a man for a change and apologize.
13. Attend the funeral of at least one American kid you have sent to his or her death in Iraqnam because of your lies.
14. Denounce as foolish your "Mission Accomplished" publicity stunt on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln in May 2003. The only "mission" you "accomplished" that day was to prove to the world that you're nothing more than a draft-dodging prep school cheerleader trapped in a 60 year old body.
15. Resign. Follow in the footsteps of Tricky Dick and just quit. Just move back to your fake ranch in Texas purchased by your campaign contributors and dream about what could have been. Give the world a very Merry Christmas by leaving town and never coming back. Please?
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