Its Not Always Better in the Bahamas, Mon

This post has nothing to do with politics but I had to post it anyway.

When I first started traveling in the Bahamas in 1984, the Bahamas Tourism Association (or whatever it was called then) had as its motto for the country "Its Better in the Bahamas." They never defined "it" so I have spent time over the last 23 years trying to discover the better it. Working in and traveling throughout the islands in the mid-1980s my erstwhile assistant and I made jokes about trying to find a better it and I devote a portion of one of the early chapters in my book Somewhere South of Miami to our quest for a better It. Over time it's something that has escaped me.

Although I've never found out what it was better, I learned this past weekend one of the things on Grand Bahama island that isn't a better it. Its called the Port Lucaya Resort and Yacht Club near the Grand Bahama Marketplace in Lucaya. A summary of the experience follows from this email sent to some friends when I returned last night from the island:

I stayed, as usual, at the Port Lucaya Resort and Yacht Club next door to the Lucayan Marketplace. This is an older hotel that used to be a bargain. I'll not stay there again.

I checked in on Saturday night and went to the Marketplace for dinner. I returned about 8:00 pm and was reading the Nassau Guardian when there was a hellacious crash against my door. I wondered what it was until there was a second crash accompanied by some swearing in pigeon Bahamian that I did not understand. After the second wallop of the door I yelled at the clown and suggested that he go away.

This brought on an even harder hit on the door - to the point that the door frame was damaged. I was standing by the door at this point and when the door frame bulged I slammed back on the door and yelled a few deleted explicatives. This seemed to chill out the nitwit on the other side of the door and he apparently left.

I picked up the phone and called the front desk. They answered but could not hear me. I called back and again I could hear them but they could not hear me. I packed my stuff in my bag and went to the front desk to tell them that I had almost had my room entered by someone.

The first thing the person behind the counter asked was "was he drunk"?? How the hell would i know? I couldn't smell the guy's breath or did I want to. She called the ineffective "security" guard who walked with me back to my room (806) and then walked with me to my new room 609 where I slept with one eye open all night long.

This is the third time I've been in a room that someone has tried to break into. First was the hotel in Santiago Dominican Republic in March 1985 when Chris Haney and I were crashed there after a hard night of drinking dominican beer. I think this one was legitimate and the person just missed his room and chose ours. The second was in downtown San Juan Puerto Rico at the Best Western where, at 11 in the evening, someone broke the door in and was trying to enter. I slammed the door against his left forearm and distinctly remember hearing bone break. He beat it down the stairs with me chasing him. The front desk people were non-plussed and less than helpful.

Then there was this incident.

The Port Lucaya is across the street from the violently expensive Westin and the not as badly priced Sheraton. Like the Lucaya these two hotels are next door to the zillions of restaurants at the Lucaya Marketplace - the only reason to stay in this area. Next time I go back to Grand Bahama, mon, I'm staying at the Sheraton for $20 a night more. its safer and I wont have to worry about random drunks trying to kick in the freaking door!

I sent a similar report to Trip Advisor but they have not posted it.

Anyway, after all this time in the Bahamas, the little incident on Saturday night put Grand Bahama on a different level for me. I remember when I first started traveling there the front page of the Nassau Guardian used to have a colum once a week titled "Muggings and Robberies" that summarized the latest illegalities on New Providence. Thats to be expected in Nassau, but not on Grand Bahama. Oh well, the Port Lucaya used to be a nice place to hang out.