Saturday, July 14, 2007
Jim Gilmore Drops Out of Repugnican Race for Preznit
Funny. I didn't even know this loser was running!!!
But there is an interesting and funny story about Jim Gilmore that needs to be preserved for posterity.
In 1997 I was living in Alexandria Virginia with this person whose name I have forgotten. She owned a Rottweiler named Rauxi who was the best thing to come out of our relationship. By the way, Rottweilers are the biggest pussies of the dog world. Complete and total lap dogs. Scratch their tummy and you're their friend for life
But I digress.
While living with Rauxi and her owner (in that order) I thought it would be cool as hell to train the Rotti to respond to my politics, especially given the negative view that most uninformed have about Rotti's.
To that end, I trained Rauxi to bare her teeth and growl when I said the word "Republican." It was hilarious as hell. Say "Republican" to a 105 pound Rotti and she bared her teeth and let off this hellacious growl. A growl that some times scared the Cheney out of me.
I had also trained Rauxi that squirrels were Republicans.
When a squirrel showed up in the backyard, I would get excited and tell Rauxi "Rauxi, Republican, get em" and open the back door. She would bound across the deck, fly into the yard, and tree any and all Repugnican scum that may have shown up in our yard. Eventually we had the most Republican-free backyard in suburban Virginia.
One Saturday in September 1997, during the race for the governorship of Virginia, there came a knock on the door. I answered the door only to find Linda Gilmore, Jim Gilmore's wife, walking door-to-door campaigning for her malingering husband.
When I answered the door, the conversation went like this.
Linda: - "Hi, I'm Linda Gilmore and my husband Jim is running for Governor and we'd appreciate y'all's vote."
Knowing the answer ahead of time I asked her "well, are you Democrats or Republicans?"
Linda smiled in her patented suthen wife smile and said "why, we're Republicans."
While this conversation was going on, Rauxi was snoozing in the kitchen, around the corner and out of sight from Mrs Gilmore. When Linda said the fateful "R" word, Rauxi heard it and her ears perked up.
I could see the Rotti, Linda couldn't. Which made it so much more fun.
When I saw the Rotti's ears perk up I said "Rauxi, Republican get em."
Well trained, the Rotti took off for the door hell bent on attacking another squirrel. Unfortunately for her, Linda Gilmore was standing in the door. All she saw was 105 lbs of romping, stomping Rottweiler with saliva flying out of her mouth headed toward the door that she was blocking.
The Rottweiler, of course, thought there was a squirrel outside.
With the Rotti a matter of feet away, Linda figured she was about to be eaten because of her political beliefs (the wrong political beliefs by the way) and her eyes became like saucers.
Seeing the Rotti bearing down on her she screamed, threw her books and paperwork in the air, and took off running across our lawn like a freaking Gazelle.
Of course, I tackled the Rottweiler before she could get to the door (and Rauxi was pissed because she thought 'this is the one'.
Linda Gilmore made it to the edge of the yard and then flew away in a car to relative safety. I'm laying on the floor with 105 lbs of enraged Rottweiler laying in my arms as I'm laughing my ass off.
For the rest of the 1997 campaign we never had another Republican show up at the door. I wonder why?? I am now frustrated that Jim didn't stay in the race longer. I would have loved to sicc another Rotti on his wife. Maybe next time.
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