This was just sent to Homeland Surveillance Secretary Mike Chertoff through their online comment area on the DHS homepage. You might consider sending Mike a similar query if you are so inclined.
Mike Chertoff, Secretary
Department of Homeland Surveillance,
Washington DC
Yo Mike
Anyone who has spent more than a nanosecond in an American airport in the last impossibly long 6 years of the Bush Abomination has heard a fear-mongering message admonishing people to report anything "suspicious" to airport authorities or to the typically porcine and horribly overweight slugs you hire to be security guards with the Transportation Surveillance Agency.
Most commonly we are told in these relentless messages to report anything "suspicious," however the Department of Homeland Surveillance never defines "suspicious" so I am writing to you for clarification.
Would you please tell me and the rest of the traveling public what you super slueths at TSA and DHS consider to be suspicious?? To me anyone who supports George Bush is immediately suspicious because Bush has single handedly caused more terror incidents world wide in the last 6 years than Osama bin Forgotten could have even dreamed up. So, Mike, if I see someone with a pro-Bush or pro-Iraqnam war or pro-Rudy Gulliani button on them should I drop everything and call DHS and have this suspicious son of a bitch arrested and sent to Gitmo?
What about Mormon missionaries in airport? To me they are not only frustrating but also suspicious. After all, in the "god"fearing United States we are taught to dismiss anyone involved in sex with kids, yet Brigham Young and Mr Smith and the rest of the derelicts who concocted the Mormon religion as a catalyst for having sex with 12 year olds, so should we automatically assume that anyone pimping for the mormon church is suspicious?
I also think that since the Fox Opinion Network is totally incapable of telling any "news" other than the official Repignican Party line that the Fox Opinion Network is pretty damend suspicious. Do you want travelers to start taking pictures of everyone seen sitting in a Fox "News" store or a Fox Sports bar and send those pictures to the super slueths at the Department of Homeland Surveillance? Or, being loyal 'Merikuns like you, should we just tackle them and beat them senseless and hold them until the police arrives?? I'll do it. I just need to know your limits.
Also, whats the deal with the color coordinated scare messages in airports telling us that the Department of Homeland Surveillance has determined that the "threat" level is "orange" or any other color. Have you or any of your SES and GS-15 managers figured out yet that you are telling us about a color but we don't have a fucking clue what one color means from the other. What about a salmon threat level? What happens then? What about a mauve threat level? Or cinnamon?? We hear that the level is a certain color, however in your haste to scare eveyone and make them believe that they need to vote for Repignicans, you have never ever told us what the difference was between the various colors. Or have you told us how one level of color scardiness is different from any other.
Mike, I'm a loyal 'Merikun just like you and I want to stamp out turists over there before we have to fight 'em over here. However before I can do that I need a little guidance. Just tell me what constitutes "suspicious" and I'll put that information on my blog so all loyal 'Merikuns like me know what to look for.
In the interim, until I find out your definition of suspicious, I'll just call in and report anyone and anything that I consider to be out of the ordinary and let you and your super slueths separate out fact from fiction. Or, was that the intention from the start?
Thanks for any input you can provide Mike.
Sieg heil,
Craig Faanes
'Merikun
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