CONCORD, N.C. – NASCAR fans have been criticized for a number of things over the years, ranging from perpetuating a redneck stereotype to still showing pride in the Rebel Flag.
Now, as one Mississippi congressman would have you believe, NASCAR fans are also a threat to national security and the nation's health.
Yes, you, Bubba. You, too, Bobbie Sue. Y'all got the cooties.
That's what Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.), Chairman of the House Committee on Homeland Security, would have you believe.
Way to go, Bennie!! I think any knuckle dragger who watches or is even interested in NASCAR needs to have the Department of Homeland Surveillance camped outside their door each night to watch out for suspicious activity on their part. After all, anyone with a scintilla of intelligence knows that NASCAR and the Fox Opinion Network go hand in hand. To me there is no greater threat to the security of this country than the uneducated and misinformed boneheads who watch Fox.
Also, Bennie, I think you should have your staff innoculated before NASCAR events also to protect them from close association with members of the Repignican Party. The recent spate of incidents involving Repignicans embroiled in illicit sex scenarios (Larry "Wide Stance" Craig and the former President of the Young Repignicans caught with his friend's cock in his mouth come to mind immediately) there is probably a greater than average chance that some communicable disease is floating around. And given the Repignicans apparent joy in sucking the occasional cock, I'd worry about my staff getting attacked by a Repignican with lock jaw, so a tetnus shot should be ordered as well.
I hope all the good folks in Mississippi's CD 2 are congratulating you today for pointing out the idiocy of NASCAR and its conservative followers. Good on ya, Bennie. If you don't receive the Medal of Freedom for this it will be a travesty.
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