BREAKING: Supreme Court Rules That Bush Won the Nobel Prize

BREAKING: SCOTUS Declares Bush the Nobel Peace Prize Winner
by Walt Starr
Fri Oct 12, 2007 at 08:52:47 AM PDT
Oslo: A review of the ballots in the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize has shown that George W. Bush is the winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize. James Baker III has been sent by the Bush Administration to coordinate efforts on the ground. The United States Supreme Court in a surprise vote of 5 to 4 have declared George W. Bush the winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize.

Justice Samuel Alito, writing for the majority, stated that "allowing Al Gore to win the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize violates the spirit and intent of the Equal Protection Clause of the United States Consitution." Justice Alito was joined in the majority decision by Justices Scalia, Thomas, Kennedy, and Chief Justice Roberts.

In a strongly worded dissenting opinion, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg stated "This court has no jurisdiction over the Norwegian Nobel Committee and thus cannot award the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize to President George W. Bush." Ginsburg was joined in her dissent by Justices Breyer and Stevens.

In a separate Dissenting Opinion, Justice Souter wrote, "This is just stupid. I quit."

The Department of Homeland Security have now staked out Gore's Tennessee home in order to detain him until after the prize is awarded next month. James Baker III will be in attendence at the awards ceremony to receive the award in the former vice president's absence.