Albanian Citizenship for the Chimp?

Given the "hero's" welcome Bush received this weekend in Albania, coupled with the front page story of this welcome in Albania that graces this morning's New York Times, I thought it might be appropriate for George to obtain citizenship in the one country on earth that still apparently likes him.

To that end, this morning I sent the following email to the Albanian Ambassador to the United States here in Washington DC (the Embassy is a Gothic looking dungeon-like building near Dupont Circle). In the email I not only ask but beg the Albanians to take Bush as a citizen of their country. Lets hope they follow my suggestion:

Dear Albanian Ambassador to the United States
The headline story in this morning's New York Times reads Thousands Hail Bush in Visit to Albania. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/11/world/europe/11prexy.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

The story continues on to gush over how well received Bush was in your country and how he received a hero's welcome. The uninitiated would think that Albania was one of many countries that view Bush as a "hero" but the truth is quite different.

By my count, Albania is the only country in the world that views Bush as a hero. He has destroyed our economy, run up a multi-trillion dollar budget deficit while jousting at terrorist windmills in the Middle East, demolished the good name of the United States in the world community, and just generally made the United States the laughingstock of the world. Even tiny Barbados, a 21 square mile island in the Atlantic, can no longer stand Bush because of his policies.

Yet Albania views him as a "hero."

That being the case I would like to offer George Bush to the people of Albania. Please take him. The sooner the better. With a 28 percent approval rating here (more importantly a 72 percent disapproval rating here) we no longer want him. There are 590 days left in his disasterous Administration and after it is over he will need some place to run. I suggest that he run to Albania. Will you please take him?

I am not familiar with the immigration and citizenship laws of your noble country but if there is a requirement that he be sponsored in his quest for Albanian citizenship I will gladly sponsor him (assuming American citizens can sponsor someone for Albanian citizenship). In fact I will spare no cost to help our president become an Albanian. By the way, do you know if he pronounced the name of your country correctly? In mid-June 2001 in Stockholm he referred to Africa as "A large nation with a lot of disease and poverty" so we are never too sure what will spew from his mouth.

Anyway, Albania, please strongly consider my request to accept George Bush as an Albanian citizen. The sooner the better in fact. In 1863, Edward Everett Hale published a short story in the Atlantic Monthly titled "The Man Without a Country." The protagonist in the story was a fictional United States Army lieutenant. We now have a fictional president in the United States who is so despised at home he not only doesn't have a country but he is also the man without a continent and the man without a hemisphere. He needs a place to run. Please take him.

Thank you for this kindness. If there are any costs involved in the paperwork for converting Bush from an American citizen to an Albanian citizen, please let me know and I will gladly pay them.